12/3/2023

I feel like the best open blog is to discuss updates, and the title says it all. So initially, this site was purchased in September with big dreams and wanting to begin something new and share my thoughts. So the back story is I purchased a new home in a different state than I was living in. I did have multiple motivations for moving, love, family, and build community. The person that had been in a “situational ship” with me for over a year, the reason it was never a real relationship was two things – fear of if it was right (on my part), and distance (on his). In the beginning, he love bombed me with he wanted to marry me, I love you first, and painting this picture of happiness. We never had arguments that was like WWIII, which was something I never had. That was when I thought of moving so we could start dating, and see where it went. I always wanted to take it slow, so I knew it was the real deal. Then when I was closing on my house, he had been distance for two weeks, I knew something was up. In my heart I did not want it to be real, so I put off meeting with him. I will say that I did get to get off my chest everything I felt and wanted (I know most don’t get the full disclosure), but I had. And although I will always have the answers, it doesn’t fix a broken heart. His reasoning for walking away was dumb, and I know that most are thinking, of course she’s saying that. But he was uncertain because sometimes we miscommunicated. And by that I mean, I thought we were going out, and he thought we were staying in. So nothing abnormal, if we didn’t agree, we discussed and listened to each other. If you want to know the cherry on top, he states to me, he also worried because of how easy the “situational ship” was. Which seems irony, because most people want something that was easy and flowing. He was the first person I felt “love” with, which is why I think it seems hard. A video I watched recently stated though, we mourn and feel sad because it was the dream we thought. So everyday is a healing day, and hopeful to find my person who will love me.